Note to Self
Oh, 17 year-old-about-to-graduate-high-school Anna, over the course of the next 4 year your plans will go so off course that sometimes you lose yourself. But you adapt nonetheless, which has gotten you this far and although you won't be attending U of M or graduating before you turn 22 like you originally anticipated, you will have made the most stringent and brutal journey that will result in self-discovery and peace of mind.
But for now, here is some advice to ease your mind and your impending journey:
Ask for help. I know you hate to, partially because you don't want to bother anyone with your requests and also because your independent, self-sufficient mind tells you that you can do it on your own, but you will need help. Admitting when you need help is your biggest weakness. Don't just ask once. Ask until you get what you need. Exhaust every possibility because there are people who are willing and capable of helping. You just have to find them.
"Keep asking, and it will be given to you. Keep searching, and you will find. Keep knocking, and the door will be opened for you. " Matthew 7:7
Some people are nice ideas. The caveat being that the idea of a person rarely matches up with the reality of that person. You will do this time and time again, where you project your ideal person on to someone and you're so infatuated with the idea of them that you forget who they really are. You'll see what I'm talking about soon.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself. But thinking of yourself less. This is a C. S. Lewis quote I picked up and it will change the way you feel about yourself. Berating and belittling yourself and your accomplishments only serves to hinder progress, in every aspect of life. Tell yourself "You got this" every once and a while because you do.
It's okay to be single. I know it can be lonely, but don't look for someone to define or fix you. Don't look for your "better-half" or whatever they say. Look for someone to share your life with.
Everything will be okay. No matter what you're feeling press on. You will hit rock bottom and it will be the most terrifying thing you ever endure, but it gets better.
Run your own race. Quite possibly the best advice you will receive from a friend. Do what you have to do, regardless of what everyone else is doing. You aren't in competition with people and comparing your accomplishments with theirs will reaffirm the idea that life is indeed a competition. It is not. Decide what you want out of life and don't do something simply because it is expected of you.
On a positive note,
I would like to congratulate you on making it through the next 4 years. Your list of accomplishments may not be long, but they will mean the world to you:
-You will battle crippling depression and you will win.
-You will move out.
-You will get a programming job, while still in school.
-You will complete a C++ certificate program with a gpa of 3.95.
-You will have a fashion blog, that will win several awards.
-You will be happy.
Although we may look similar (besides the glasses (yeah, you get glasses (get excited))), the juxtaposition of our expressions proves we are not the same person, what with your innocent smile and my introspective gaze into the distance. Embrace the change. You will come out of all of this a better and stronger person. Promise.
Go get 'em and good luck,